Time for Change

When you’re young you might be into pop music and dying your hair pink one month, and then decide to become a goth and only wear black the next, you love macaroni cheese one day and then suddenly it makes you gag. On any given day, week or month you can change countless times. You change, you evolve, you grow, it’s expected, but why is it so much harder to do once you’re an adult? As grown-ups, are we meant to have done all our growing, are we meant to decide in our twenties who we will be for the rest of our lives and stay the same until the day we die? What if you made the wrong decision, made bad choices in your youth, does it mean you to have to suffer the consequences indefinitely? It could be anything from a career path, the partner you chose or just the way you have always reacted to certain situations. It may be easier to stay the same but isn’t that doing a disservice to ourselves? Isn’t that a joyless way to live when we have the power to change?

Change can seem impossible though, not just the actual act of changing but what others will think about our decision. We worry whether we will still be accepted. Will people laugh and refuse to take us seriously, will people judge us, will people understand? Our worries about the opinions of others can hold us back from change. Family and friends can sabotage your process of change, not because they don’t love or care about you. It’s often fear on their part, a fear of losing the person they know and a lack of understanding of what you changing will mean to them, and their relationship with you.

The most important thing to remember is that you are changing for a reason, changing because you are unhappy with some aspect of your life. Take a minute to think about your life. Is there something that gets you down? Think about why it gets you down and then make a list of actions that could help, however minor, and pick one of those things to start with. Change begins with a single step so don’t feel like you must turn your life upside down. Start slow but make a commitment to yourself.

There was a period when I was shouting at my children continuously and I realized I wasn’t being the parent I wanted to be. I felt ashamed every time I did it. I thought about why I shouted and for a change, instead of blaming it on their behaviour I looked inwardly at myself. I was struggling and felt my life was spiralling out of my control, and any small thing could set off my frustration and anger. I knew I had to act for their sake and mine. I looked for ways to make myself feel better and more in control and I talked to my partner about how I felt so I didn’t feel so isolated. The result was that I was calmer. It meant that when my daughter spilt her drink for the third time that week I didn’t shout, I let it go because it was an accident and in the grand scheme of things it really isn’t that important.

You must be willing to let go of the old you and try not to be so hard on yourself as you head towards uncharted territory. You may make mistakes and have set backs on your journey, but the most important thing is to keep moving forward. Be brave, make a change, make a conscious decision to do what is necessary to start living a more intentional life.